Stop me if you've heard this one...

Seriously, stop me if you've heard this one: it has me in stitches.

You shouldn't buy the Green Lantern Classics 3-Pack containing B'Dg, Despotellis, and Dex-Starr [snicker].

I mean, come on. This is basically a pack of three accessories and a torso for a build a figure. Let's set the torso aside for a moment, and focus on the figures.

Two of them are AWESOME. More specifically, the sheer fact they exist is awesome. A chipmunk Green Lantern? That's incredible.

(In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention that B'Dg isn't a real chipmunk: he's actually an alien from the planet H'lven, whose similar appearance to that of an Earth rodent is entirely coincidental.)

Dex-Starr is a house cat. From Earth (more specifically, Brooklyn). His Red Lantern ring allows him to create energy constructs and breathe fire. He wears it on his tail. His is a tale of vengeance and tragedy.

I fucking love DC Comics.

The third figure who comes in the pack is Despotellis, a sentient virus. Eh. Whatever.

There's nothing ostensibly wrong with the figures, themselves. Articulation is fairly limited, but fine for this scale (Despotellis has no articulation, but... who cares). In terms of appearance, B'Dg and Dex-Starr are that perfect mixture of adorable and badass that make them impossible not to love.

Why shouldn't you buy them? Because THEY COST THREE TIMES AS MUCH AS THEY SHOULD. If you miraculously manage to find them at retail price, they'll still set you back fifteen. In New York City, your options are further limited. I found these at a comic shop, which had marked them up to twenty. And when I say "up" I mean down, because Toys R Us is scamming customers out of $21 for these (or at least they are for the first wave: this wave wasn't in stock last time I stopped by).

These are glorified accessories, not full figures. I mean, look at this - B'Dg is smaller than Kyle Raynor's sword:

But the joke is, if you're anything like me, you'll buy them anyway. Why? Well, two reasons. First, there's this:

Ha! I love him so damn much! Oh, there was a second reason, too. That's right: because we're suckers.

On the plus side, Dex-Starr comes with flame-breath. Also, the build-a-figure piece is Stel's torso, which has some custom potential, even if you're not planning on completing him.

We're still suckers, though.