What I Learned Yesterday

I realized something yesterday, and I wanted to share it with all of you.

One day, I'm going to die. No, this wasn't yesterday's big revelation: I came to my own conclusions about my mortality when I turned thirty, just like everyone else. What I realized yesterday is what's going to happen to me after I die.

I mean, I don't have a play-by-play to offer here: bright light, life flashing before eyes, bla bla bla. I don't really know how you die. I'm talking about what comes after all that.

I'm going to find myself in a toy store. The biggest toy store I've ever seen. And it's going to be filled to the brim with action figures, playsets; everything you could image, every toy I've ever wanted in my entire life. Old toys, new toys; toys which haven't been made in years from companies long out of business, toys that have never existed because they're too cool to imagine. Twelve inch, high end figures will be sitting side by side with intricately rendered vehicles.

You get the picture.

Anyway, I'll be standing there, in that giant store, taking it all in; the grandeur and the beauty and the utter awesomeness of everything around me.

Then, right before he vanishes, the devil will pat me on the back and say, "Go ahead. You can choose any ONE toy you want. Go on. Pick."

.....

Yeah. Screw you, Toys R Us, for getting EVERY GODDAMN TOY I WANT THIS YEAR IN STOCK AT THE SAME DAMNED TIME.

That's dirty pool.